I love this man. I really do.
I met Dennis last month when Jonathan was doing some sort of extreme defensive driving training. I sat alongside the road and got to know him a little better. I don’t know about him, but I was grateful to have those moments.
I was wearing this hat.
The IFD stands for “I Fucking Died.” I wear it with pride. But standing next to a Green Beret, US Marine Corp, Special Ops military man, who has spent 70 months on the front lines and completed ELEVEN tours of duty, this hat is almost humorous. It represents a blip in my life where I was feeling I was going to die for months, whereas Dennis was likely on the edge of life and death every day for YEARS!
I am tough. I survived death, but this man survived LIFE. The things he has seen would break anyone, but I wasn’t interested in hearing war stories. I knew they existed. And I wasn’t avoiding them if he wanted to share, I just FELT I needed to share something I saw in him.
Yup– here I go again. Stephanie needs to just shut up… or do I? (Yes, I am referring to myself in the third person, because I am now feeling like SHE is my alter ego).
I treaded carefully, because this man could kill me with one flick of his finger. And really, if put into this situation with someone you don’t know, how many “feelings” do you want to share with an intuitive woman who FEELS things. I would have walked the other way. But Dennis isn’t your “average” man. We spoke about what had happened to me and then he initiated the conversation by saying “If you ever see anything with me, please tell me.” I asked, “Are you sure?” And he nodded in the affirmative. (military speak– I am so hip).
I trusted what he said, but I have a tendency to say something I see, (as you know) before thinking it through and I didn’t want him to react defensively because it was such a personal subject, so I waited a beat to know what I was sensing was accurate. I started a “lighter” conversation.
I am always interested in knowing how intuition plays a role in people’s lives. I wrote an article in Quartz about this very subject and how the military is spending money to help their soldiers listen to it more carefully. And here I am where I can actually ask a military man if his intuition has ever saved his life.
He said “You mean “spidey sense?” Sure, let’s make the subject more manly. “Yes, spidey sense.”
Dennis and others told me story after story of how it helped them survive. One special ops dude told me about how he stopped walking on his mission and everything became eerily quiet. Tunnel vision set in. Everything became very clear. Goosebumps rose on his arms and back and he KNEW he needed to brace himself for a gun battle. He just KNEW. And one minute later it happened.
Suffice it to say, every single green beret I spoke to, said they instantly felt it, instinctively knew danger lurked ahead, and prepared for the inevitable. And it saved their lives.
I then shared with Dennis something I felt from the very first second I saw him. I knew nothing abut him personally. In fact, there is nothing about his life online except his military credentials.
I said one thing. “You deserve to be loved and valued for exactly who you are.” His eyes glossed over, he took a step back and shook his head in denial. I knew what all of it meant and so did he. I didn’t need to take it any further. He heard the message. And now he doesn’t want to get anywhere near me. Just kidding, he will be in my life forever.
And I have my husband to thank for making the introduction. Dennis might not be as happy, life was less “emotionally-connected” before he met me. But C’est La Vie…. Sh!t Happens. Now he is stuck with me, although he might hesitate next time when asking what I see.
His most recent words to me were TODAY on Mother’s Day. He said “You need to change your motto on great days like this to IFL (I fucking LIVED) due to your intuition.. and not backing down when you knew it was real”. Yes, Dennis, you are right. And I think the same goes for you. IFL2.
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