There are so many dating books, self-help recipes and life coaches telling you how to date and “hook” the love of your life.  But let me ask you one question “If you need to play a dating game in order to get that person, is the relationship based on who plays the game best or real love?”

I dated a lot. I played games. I knew not to call first. Not to sound desperate.  Stay busy. Have other priorities. Etc.  If “he was just not that into me…” I didn’t care, there was always another man with whom to play the game.

I happened to be writing this blog today because my 10 year anniversary is coming up and when my husband walks into a crowded room to find me, I still, to this day, feel so lucky he continues to take my breath away. It is a love I have always dreamed about, but never believed it could happen in real life.

I have had friends tell me this kind of love is so rare.  I have family who are nauseated by the public displays of affection. And I have strangers coming up to us asking if we are newlyweds.

Here is the thing, I DID NOT PLAY A GAME when I met Jonathan.  In fact, I did everything WRONG.  I couldn’t get out of my way.  I told him what could hurt me. I told him my skeletons in my closet. I told him how many people I slept with and their names. (I KNOW!!! What was I thinking???). I gave him a road map to how I worked and what I needed to feel secure and loved.  I showed him my vulnerable places and explained if he said X this could be a trigger for Y.  WHO DOES THIS???? WHY WOULD ONE DO THIS??

Turns out, when my heart felt this is who it wanted, she did not want to “catch” this love by playing by any rules to anyone else’s game.  Why would I want the typical relationship I had had for years (which never worked out), when I could have the one great love.

If the person is truly your SOULMATE, YOU CANNOT DO ANYTHING TO DRIVE THEM AWAY.  I did everything wrong in the courtship with Jonathan according to the rules. But for the sake of the greatest love of my life, I did everything RIGHT!

Do not listen to anyone else’s plan for your heart.  Ask your soul what it wants and when you FEEL it has found its mate, do what feels right by you.  Stop asking your friends and family what they think he/she feels about you.  Stop reading what someone else thinks you should do. You KNOW what your #intuition tells you about your heart. You know when it is not right for you. And when it is, no one knows your soul and what it needs, better than you.

And by the way, if you show too much and they are not ready for it, guess what, that is AMAZING!!!! Because it will mean you are working closer to finding the right one using no other tool but your soul. And you are moving in a forward direction, closer to the one for you.

You being vulnerable and allowing the love to accept you, bruises and all, will only lead to them being more vulnerable and having you accept them the same way. No games. All heart.

I had been through so many missed-takes in my relationships, my parents thought I would never find The One.  But they didn’t really focus on that, they just prayed I wouldn’t be single for the rest of my life. That I would find a partner.  Maybe someone with whom I would have kids, and have a great friendship.  I told them once, “when the right one comes along, I will just show up to your home married.”  They laughed.

Years later, that is exactly what I did.

Happy Anniversary my love. My one and Only.  And I wish what I have to every single lonely heart out there reading this.

Have a beautiful week.

With lots of Love, Light and NO GAMES….

Steph