{"id":502,"date":"2014-05-30T23:43:04","date_gmt":"2014-05-31T04:43:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/afemom.org\/?p=502"},"modified":"2014-05-30T23:43:04","modified_gmt":"2014-05-31T04:43:04","slug":"happy-birthday-jacob","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stephaniearnold.net\/es\/2014\/05\/30\/happy-birthday-jacob\/","title":{"rendered":"Happy Birthday Jacob!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Happy Birthday to you our son. \u00a0Our first, our last and our only son. \u00a0You are beyond special for many reasons. \u00a0But most of all, you are the miracle we prayed for, our Cohen, our namesake\u00a0and now our family is complete. \u00a0Today is a day of appreciation and recognition for those who worked so tirelessly to help our family stay a family.<\/p>\n

I took a page from the AFE Foundation’s founder, Miranda Klassen, and decided to start an annual trip to the hospital to give thanks to everyone who helped save my life. \u00a0Jonathan and I packed cookies and cards and got to the hospital this morning at 6:45a. \u00a0Just in time before the night shift was turning to day shift and we could get a double bang for our buck making sure to see everyone who was there around a 24 hour cycle.<\/p>\n

As we drove up to the hospital and valet at the labor and delivery entrance at Prentice Women’s Hospital, a wave of nausea came upon me. \u00a0The last time I was in this driveway, I had my daughter in the back seat, I was about to give birth when\u00a0the ever happy valet guy came to the driver’s side of the car saying the same thing he always said every time he saw a woman in labor– “I believe it’s going to be someone’s birthday today!” \u00a0Normally a great thing to hear from an excited parent to be, but that day, May 30th 2013, I wasn’t excited, for me it was like hearing I was on death’s doorstep. \u00a0Today was definitely different. \u00a0A whole year later and it is true what they say, “Time Heals.” \u00a0It doesn’t heal everything all at once, but it does get easier. \u00a0And today was no exception.<\/p>\n

I smiled at the valet and he didn’t say “Happy Birthday” (I was a little thinner). One traumatic recurrence averted. \u00a0Then we went to check in and the Director of\u00a0L&D \u00a0obstetrics at Northwestern, Kim Armour, met us downstairs to give us our VIP tour. \u00a0I knew I was going to\u00a0get to LEAVE today — not just arrive. \u00a0Another positive thought. \u00a0I took a deep breath getting off the elevator on the 8th floor. \u00a0This is where I gave birth. \u00a0Not so easy. I was pale and Jonathan was holding my hand tightly doing his best to tell me to relax and that he was there because last time he wasn’t. I took another deep breath, he was right and WE walked through the double doors together. \u00a0Down the hallway where I normally would have gone if I was in labor, I did not need to go. \u00a0“Guess what?” I thought to myself, “I am not pregnant.” I cracked a smile and we turned away from that hallway into the “Restricted Personnel Only” doors and walked straight into the nurses station. \u00a0It was a strange feeling I was having. A sort of DejaVu. \u00a0I had been here before.<\/p>\n

Kim went to tell the night shift we were there. \u00a0One by one nurses started to come in. \u00a0Shaking my hand, telling me that they were in the room the day I gave birth. \u00a0One by one, I listened. \u00a0I told them I wanted to hear from their perspective what happened. \u00a0How often does an emergency like this happen? \u00a0How stressed are you and how chaotic does an operating room get when all Hell breaks loose? How did they do their jobs the rest of the day? What did they tell their families that day they went home? How did they decompress? \u00a0Some of the nurses knew my story. \u00a0Some were students and didn’t know what an AFE was but were eager to learn about it. \u00a0Some had had their hands on me, in me and around me and were the very life-savers that were around the OR that people tend to forget. \u00a0One nurse introduced herself to me as Jessica. \u00a0I knew her immediately, I just didn’t know how I knew her. \u00a0She said, “You probably don’t remember me, but\u00a0 I was the one who\u00a0performed CPR on you.” I remembered her figure, her strong hands and her incessant counting. \u00a0I said, “Oh, you were the one who broke my ribs!” \u00a0She said “And I would do it again if it helped save a life.” \u00a0And it sure did. \u00a0And I would never have wanted anyone else doing it. \u00a0Thank you Jessica. \u00a0I later found out through a friend that one of the nurses actually got closure from seeing me. \u00a0She told my friend who works at the hospital that she knew I was ok and she had seen me on TV, but seeing me in person was what she needed in order to KNOW I was ok. \u00a0We sat for a Q&A. \u00a0My husband as eloquent a speaker as he always had been: refined, intelligent and articulate, was emotional and teary-eyed through his gratitude.\"10336782_259185744265609_1223693930478192920_n\"<\/a><\/p>\n

We then moved on to the 13th\u00a0floor in the hospital. \u00a0The floor where, once out of Surgical ICU, I would stay for the next month. \u00a0I was just barely OK. \u00a0I knew I was safe. \u00a0I knew I needed to recognize that staff who worked so hard to keep me comfortable and keep my spirits up every day the doctors came in to tell me I wasn’t going home. \u00a0So I needed to get it together. \u00a0I’m not going to lie. Seeing room 1368 still affects me. \u00a0I walked past it very quickly to not make eye contact with the numbers. I’m still not over it. \u00a0But I’m giving myself a break and owning that for now. \u00a0I’m not so strong.<\/p>\n

Back in the break room on that floor I saw Diane. \u00a0That nurse is Jacob’s angel. \u00a0She was the first to hold him, take care of him and be there for him as his surrogate when I could not be there. \u00a0She took care of my sister and my sister bonded with her. When I saw Diane I held her and I cried. \u00a0Just cried. \u00a0We gave her a cookie and a thank you card and we just talked about the things our children are doing today. Nothing else needed to be said.<\/p>\n

\"1014351_10203897682300125_200877365880239265_n\"I had seen other nurses throughout that morning, some I knew and some who were new to me. \u00a0No matter who they were, they got a cookie and a thank you card. \u00a0I didn’t care if they personally saved my life. \u00a0They save lives every day and they should be recognized for it. Whether they directly or indirectly affected my life, they work as a team. \u00a0Their collaborative effort helped me and kept me alive to be here writing this today. \u00a0 I am indebted to them, forever.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As I was wrapping up, Dr. Hyo Park came in. \u00a0I love that woman. \u00a0She is a 3rd year resident but she had the unfortunate draw from the deck to see me twice before I gave birth. \u00a0Once as she was in rotation and working for the Gynecological Oncologist when I had my consultation in the third trimester (he was the one I was telling if I needed a hysterectomy, he was my doctor) and then a second time the day I went into deliver Jacob. \u00a0Months later, she was now on an OB rotation and she was\u00a0there during my delivery.<\/p>\n

You can imagine her face when chaos ensued. \u00a0I asked her a bunch of questions and to her credit, she answered them like a doctor. \u00a0“To the naked eye, the placenta…” \u00a0“We are trained for emergencies…” \u00a0“The crash cart was…” \u00a0And then casually she said “The first cart wasn’t strong enough, so we got a second one.” \u00a0WHAT?? I was freaking out, but not because of what you might think would be an obvious reason to freak out. \u00a0She looked exhausted. \u00a0She was coming off of a long shift and stopped by to say hi. \u00a0I didn’t press, but I WILL\u00a0when she has had enough sleep. \u00a0I didn’t tell her this at the time, but during my regression work (to go back in and deal with my PTSD) a couple of weeks before, I saw that happen. First attempt didn’t work, but second one did. \u00a0I didn’t know what it meant until that moment.<\/p>\n

I told her she received the brunt of my anger when I stayed at the hospital and it was so unwarranted. \u00a0She was the first face I saw every morning at 5am to check on my “everything” and also the first to always tell me the same thing– “You are not going home today.” \u00a0I told Dr. Levitt to get her transferred because I was going to kill her. \u00a0I can’t tell you how much that woman means to me today. \u00a0I adore her and apologized profusely for my insanity and insensitivity. I\u00a0ultimately said to\u00a0her “You were always meant to be a doctor. Don’t let anyone take that away from you. \u00a0Not me or any other crazed patient having a bad day(or in my case, a month). \u00a0You are an amazing doctor and an incredible human being.”<\/p>\n

She was grateful to hear it and then she said “I wasn’t going to tell you this, but I had known you were doing great and I was proud of the work we had all done to help you, but as I was watching you on TV, I had another AFE patient crisis. \u00a0Here it is, I am amazed at how well you are doing and I have another one in my path. \u00a0This one makes my third.” \u00a0Doctors go an entire career never seeing one AFE in their entire lifetime and this poor soul has had 1 in every year she has been a resident. \u00a0I asked what happened? \u00a0She looked down, very un-doctorly-like and said “She didn’t make it.” \u00a0I was devastated. I immediately asked about the other one, and she said she survived. \u00a0All very random cases, but nevertheless, a reminder that what we are speaking about is really life or death. \u00a0My life continues and that other woman’s life has ended, like a game of Russian-roulette.<\/p>\n

Today was an emotional, uplifting, inspiring and spiritual day. \u00a0It also was an incredible reminder that life can be very fleeting. \u00a0Those nurses and doctors worked hard to keep me here and I’ll be damned if I don’t go back from time to time to\u00a0acknowledge their tenacity and love for what they do. \u00a0They usually never get to see a patient after they leave the hospital. \u00a0I completely understand why that is, but if you as the patient could have seen their eyes today, their excitement to know I was ok and let them know I KNEW that it was their work that made me ok, I think many of you would go back and thank your health care workers and they would welcome it.<\/p>\n

When we were done with the hospital, I was inspired to LIVE. \u00a0We picked up our son and daughter. \u00a0I turned off my Re-Birthday and moved onward to Jacob’s very happy birthday. \u00a0\"photo\" He can’t blow out the candles, walk, or eat cake, but with one look in his eyes, one smile that glows and arms that open wide for an embrace, those were the only reminders I needed to know that today is Jacob’s day. \u00a0And will be for the rest of his life.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Happy Birthday to you our son. \u00a0Our first, our last and our only son. \u00a0You are beyond special for many reasons. \u00a0But most of all, you are the miracle we prayed for, our Cohen, our namesake\u00a0and now our family is complete. \u00a0Today is a day of appreciation and recognition for those who worked so tirelessly…<\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_wp_convertkit_post_meta":{"form":"-1","landing_page":"0","tag":"0","restrict_content":"0"},"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-502","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nHappy Birthday Jacob! - Stephanie Arnold<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/stephaniearnold.net\/es\/2014\/05\/30\/happy-birthday-jacob\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"es_ES\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Happy Birthday Jacob! 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