{"id":139,"date":"2014-01-08T08:57:32","date_gmt":"2014-01-08T14:57:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/afemom.org\/?p=139"},"modified":"2014-01-08T08:57:32","modified_gmt":"2014-01-08T14:57:32","slug":"in-childbirth-this-dad-is-a-hero","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stephaniearnold.net\/es\/2014\/01\/08\/in-childbirth-this-dad-is-a-hero\/","title":{"rendered":"In Childbirth, This Dad Is a Hero"},"content":{"rendered":"

“Too often dads are sidelined, left wondering how best to help”<\/span><\/p>\n

It seemed that every one of my worst nightmares and premonitions had come true. In the middle of my complicated pregnancy, my husband Jonathan was in New York at the time I was wheeled into Labor & Delivery in Chicago.\u00a0 Despite all the planning – and we had done plenty of it – more complications arose <\/a><\/strong>than even we had anticipated.<\/p>\n

\"Jonathan<\/a>
My husband Jonathan at Jacob’s bris.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Maybe there should be more and better information about a father’s potential active role in childbirth.\u00a0 Too often men are sidelined, left wondering how best to help.\u00a0 We had searched and found little information on this ourselves, and so we had to make up the answers – a move that greatly improved our lives.<\/p>\n

Of course, my placenta previa<\/em> and other factors had complicated my pregnancy and put us on the alert to do some planning.\u00a0 It is because of that planning that, rather than accept bystander status, Jonathan was able to step into the fore as a key player.\u00a0 He is decidedly a stats guy, but was glad he paid attention to my premonitions and not relied solely on his calculations this time.\u00a0 It’s good to trust your gut sometimes.<\/p>\n

\"Stephanie<\/a>
My beautiful family – I am very blessed.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

From the time I “coded” – flatlined – in the middle of delivering our son, then was kept on life support in a protective coma for the ensuing 6 days, until I finally stabilized and re-awoke, Jonathan was…everything.\u00a0 He was the dad.\u00a0 He was the mom.\u00a0 He was my advocate to the superb medical team on my case.\u00a0 He fed the baby.\u00a0 He saw to my needs.\u00a0 He moved quickly and decisively.\u00a0 He was the lynchpin in my recovery plan.\u00a0 He persevered and persisted.\u00a0 All the premonitions I had had during my pregnancy, right up to the dream of dying while delivering our son, which also came true<\/strong><\/a>, came back to haunt Jonathan as he went about assuring quality care to revive me.\u00a0 Things might have turned out much differently, had we not talked it out beforehand and prepared.<\/p>\n

How did we prepare?\u00a0 Among other things, we uncomplicated matters when I signed a written statement giving Jonathan power of attorney – complete, unconditional health power. With that document in place, negotiations and decisions about my care – often split-second, life and death ones – were\u00a0handled expeditiously.\u00a0 It’s understandable that the excitement and preoccupation of anticipating birth leaves so little time and attention for other matters like legalities, yet they can weigh heavily in outcomes.<\/p>\n

Here’s a piece of advice from Jonathan for health care professionals (no one in particular).\u00a0 When you speak with a patient’s loved ones about events in the operating room, expect that they will immediately “google” what you say.\u00a0 It would therefore be better to state any devastating facts directly and promptly to avoid confusion and build trust.<\/p>\n

I remember waking after 6 days in that coma, seeing my bloated body (not knowing it was caused by the life-saving\u00a0follow-up treatment), and asking him if I still hadn’t delivered the baby.\u00a0 I was shocked when Jonathan told me that no, I had delivered a healthy son 6\u00a0days earlier.<\/p>\n

In a future article, I will invite Jonathan to share more about how our lives, instincts and other planning actions had all come together to grant us the life we now have: healthy, fully recovered, and grateful for a second chance.\u00a0 Recognizing that I am among the lucky few, we are now both motivated to share our lessons, give voice to other people’s stories,\u00a0 and lend our active support to people and organizations who are also dedicated to improving maternal and newborn outcomes.<\/p>\n

Please don’t neglect the importance of having Dad actively involved.<\/p>\n

Have you had the benefit of an involved father in your child’s birth?\u00a0 Has it changed your life?\u00a0 I’d love to hear your stories. Leave a comment here.\u00a0 Thanks!<\/p>\n

(*Join\u00a0a Tweetchat with me and Jonathan Jan 9 at noon EST (hashtag: #AFENOW)<\/span><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Maybe there should be more and better information about a father’s potential active role in childbirth. Too often men are sidelined, left wondering how best to help. We had searched and found little information on this ourselves, and so we had to make up the answers – a move that greatly improved our lives.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_wp_convertkit_post_meta":{"form":"-1","landing_page":"0","tag":"0","restrict_content":"0"},"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,25],"tags":[43,54,55,67,72,73,88,97],"class_list":["post-139","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-advocacy","category-share-your-story","tag-amniotic-fluid-embolism","tag-chats","tag-childbirth","tag-good-morning-america","tag-inspiration","tag-intuition","tag-parenting","tag-premonition"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nIn Childbirth, This Dad Is a Hero - Stephanie Arnold<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/stephaniearnold.net\/es\/2014\/01\/08\/in-childbirth-this-dad-is-a-hero\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"es_ES\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"In Childbirth, This Dad Is a Hero - Stephanie Arnold\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Maybe there should be more and better information about a father's potential active role in childbirth. 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