{"id":1027,"date":"2015-07-20T19:43:01","date_gmt":"2015-07-21T00:43:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/afemom.org\/?p=1027"},"modified":"2015-07-20T19:43:01","modified_gmt":"2015-07-21T00:43:01","slug":"grateful-day-grateful-year-grateful-dead","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stephaniearnold.net\/es\/2015\/07\/20\/grateful-day-grateful-year-grateful-dead\/","title":{"rendered":"Grateful Day, Grateful Year, Grateful Dead!"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s been a “long strange trip<\/em>” these past few\u00a0years. \u00a0I have gone from elated to terrified. \"dead-fair-thee-well\"<\/a>Traumatized to mystified. \u00a0All the while being grateful. \u00a0Grateful for my family. \u00a0Grateful for surviving. Grateful for everything. \u00a0So it is befitting that the 50th anniversary and final concert of the Grateful Dead<\/strong> landed directly in our backyard, so very close to my birthday. \u00a0A coincidence, probably, but I’d like to think this was nice closure for the sentiments I was feeling since I started following The Dead at 19 years old. \u00a0I wasn’t the “Deadhead” that followed them everywhere, but I did go to 9 shows, all with Jerry Garcia, and I did love the way their music made me feel. \u00a0I smiled every time I heard Sugar Magnolia<\/em>, danced until Shakedown Street<\/em> had played its last note, and sang like a fool when Scarlett Begonias<\/em> came on the radio.<\/p>\n

It wasn’t Jonathan’s type of music, but he loved me and wanted to support me going to their final concert. I told him he didn’t need to go to the concert, but secretly I wanted him to go because I knew if he’d come, he might get a glimpse into\u00a0who I used to be and understand more of that part that was carefree when I was so very young. Not the more serious person I have become.<\/p>\n

\"IMG_1974\"\"IMG_0317\"\"IMG_2003\"<\/p>\n

\"IMG_0241\"<\/p>\n

\"IMG_2226\"<\/p>\n

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I completely understand life cannot be what it used to be. \u00a0I know after 7 years of marriage, 7 IVF (in vitro fertilization) cycles, 2 biological children, 1 step-child, miscarriages, school, mortgage payments, a near death\u00a0catastrophe and a lot of responsibility, life cannot go back to what it was. \u00a0We understand that intellectually, but ideologically, we long for the\u00a0carefree way of life.<\/p>\n

I have been feeling like this is my new “normal.” \u00a0Serious, scarred forever, and voted “least likely to laugh.” \u00a0The other\"image2\"\"image1\"\u00a0day my two girls were drawing family portraits. \u00a0They both finished showing me a beautiful rendition of \u00a0their mommy. \u00a0But Adina said “wait a minute, I forgot something.” \u00a0And she took the portrait and drew a line from my chest to the pelvis. “Mommy, I forgot your boo boo.” \u00a0She smiled and I quietly smiled back to her. \u00a0Valentina quickly followed suit. \u00a0She said, “that’s right mommy.” \u00a0Valentina is more sensitive about bringing up the subject matter because she doesn’t want to hurt my feelings. \u00a0Maybe because she is older and maybe because she saw too much or maybe ignoring\u00a0it might be her way of dealing with her own pain, but I told her we should talk about this when she was ready.\u00a0 She said\u00a0“Is that ok?” \u00a0I said, “Yes baby. \u00a0No matter how hard I try to hide it, it is a part of me.” It will always be a part of me. And I cannot hide it from my family. It is part of who I am and I have to learn to accept it. \u00a0But I don’t want to accept it. My new body. My new life. My new normal. \u00a0I then proceeded to cry for a very long time that night.<\/p>\n

I cried for the loss of who I was. \u00a0I cried for what happened and how it affected my family. \u00a0 I cried because I realized I wanted the seriousness of everything that has happened since I died, to be a little lighter. \u00a0I needed a miracle <\/em>of my own making, immediately. \u00a0I bought tickets to the Grateful Dead’<\/strong>s “Fare Thee Well” final show. Maybe, just MAYBE, I could get a little something back from the first time\u00a0I went to my first show. \u00a0This time, Jonathan would be right by my side, the way I believe he was always meant to be.<\/p>\n

Sunday, July 5th 2015 \u00a0was such a magical night. \u00a0The weather was perfect. \u00a0People were kind and gracious, even inviting us on their boats. And EVERYONE was enjoying the pre-party festivities. \u00a0Jonathan was in awe of the crowd of more than 80,000. \u00a0He said “I feel like I have stepped back in time to the 60’s.” \u00a0If people pushed you, they said “sorry, man, have a beautiful day.” \u00a0Others were smiling from ear to ear and gave out compliments like candy on Halloween. \"11701071_10207110889388294_1623231487964372799_n\"\u00a0I wore a very airy, flowing white hippie type dress and Jonathan wore tie-dye. \u00a0Anyone who knows him is in shock with that statement, and yes, he loves me very deeply(And no, no drugs were involved).<\/p>\n

Jonathan saw me smile, breathe in the air, say hello to everyone and my friend Jodi and her friend Shira made another “miracle” happen when they moved us from our seats in the stadium, very far away from the stage, to the pit 20 feet in front of the stage. \u00a0That was my heaven that night. \u00a0The pit was open, not overcrowded. The audience came from all over the world and soaked up every note. \u00a0I was swept back to 1989 and I was once again, elated.<\/p>\n

\"IMG_5243\"<\/a> \"IMG_5245\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\"IMG_5244\"<\/a><\/p>\n

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The music was AWESOME. \u00a0We had such a good time with friends and strangers, knowing we all came together for one purpose, to say goodbye to a band who have been incredibly instrumental in making us enjoy life a little better. \u00a0But I received another purpose by the end of the night. \u00a0This magical night, Jonathan and I spoke\u00a0for a very long time while we walked back to our car. (A very, very long walk). I realized that I didn’t need to see The Dead in order to embrace my scars and my new normal, I just needed to really talk about the transitions with my husband. \u00a0And have him understand my frustrations and guilt around my new way of living. He, in turn said some things that made me realize I wasn’t listening to\u00a0how he really felt about our new life. \u00a0He wasn’t longing for what we had before, he just wanted me to be more than content with the way things have played out\u00a0though the Grateful Dead served a bigger purpose for us here. \u00a0The concert was the mechanism to get us to reach into ourselves deeper than ever before. \u00a0To realize we can be as carefree as we want to be, knowing we are there for each other and our family and that it isn’t a responsibility, it is a desire, a pleasure, a dream: one that we worked so hard to achieve. \u00a0Without the concert, we might not have had this discussion and without the Grateful Dead, there would be one less Deadhead in the world. \u00a0For now, there is an economist walking around Chicago wearing tie-dye and smiling. \u00a0And that is making me smile bigger than ever before. Truly Grateful!<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s been a “long strange trip” these past few\u00a0years. \u00a0I have gone from elated to terrified. Traumatized to mystified. \u00a0All the while being grateful. \u00a0Grateful for my family. \u00a0Grateful for surviving. Grateful for everything. \u00a0So it is befitting that the 50th anniversary and final concert of the Grateful Dead landed directly in our backyard, so…<\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_wp_convertkit_post_meta":{"form":"-1","landing_page":"0","tag":"0","restrict_content":"0"},"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1027","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nGrateful Day, Grateful Year, Grateful Dead! - Stephanie Arnold<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/stephaniearnold.net\/es\/2015\/07\/20\/grateful-day-grateful-year-grateful-dead\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"es_ES\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Grateful Day, Grateful Year, Grateful Dead! - Stephanie Arnold\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"It’s been a “long strange trip” these past few\u00a0years. \u00a0I have gone from elated to terrified. 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