People ask if I have become more religious since dying. Ummmmm, YES! I am kinder and more compassionate to others. I do my best, every day, to help my family and society and I appreciate life and the blessings that this second life has given our family.
Oh, and I pray. Every single day.
When the premonitions first came through, I didn’t question from where they came. I talked about them relentlessly, but I wasn’t thinking clearly as to how I was seeing things, or who sent me those messages. At some point during my pregnancy, when medical science did not have any answers or direction to give me, I turned to my Rabbi and prayers in my final weeks before my catastrophe.
I talk in the book 37 seconds how certain “chance” meetings with everyone from a Turkish coffee reader, to the late Rebbe changed my perspective. Encounters I did not take seriously at the time, and that decades later, would prove to be true. I finally understand how these seers were able to see and how I can include myself in this category as well. I am telling you, you have the power to see, it is within you. You don’t need to experience a death to see it, you just need to feel for what you are seeing. Yes, I said that right, FEEL it.
The others have fine tuned their ability to see, through meditation, experience and prayer. It turns out, prayer can help you see more clearly. And I don’t just mean you will see clearer because you will be enlightened through prayer. I mean, you will be able to SEE EVERYTHING more clearly. Who knew? I didn’t fully appreciate the power of prayer. The literal meaning of the POWER that prayer provides. A light source, an energy point coming from one’s self or from someone else’s that is being given to you.
I took for granted when people say “I’ll pray for you,” what that actually means. I have heard so many disingenuous people just say it and act like they care for a moment, never doing anything about it. So to me, I didn’t feel it was an intimate and powerful gift someone could bestow upon someone, the way serious, religious people believed it to be. I didn’t realize how personal an offer it was. It was just words. No feeling behind them. I was an idiot and I didn’t fully comprehend it. But for the people who actually pray, I now realize, that their energy has healing power unlike anything I could have understood.
Jonathan and I went to the Ohel, where the Rebbe was buried, prior to me giving birth. And we prayed. We prayed for a healthy and happy son. We prayed for our love to get stronger. We prayed for our girls to grow and live a healthy life. Again, taking for granted that prayers are just words and have no energy behind them. But then, a strange thing occurred, my prayers were answered. Both of our prayers were. Coincidence? Maybe some would think it that way, but here’s the thing, we just forgot to add me into the equation. And you know what? I didn’t fare so well.
And as I was being wheeled down to the operating room and feeling no one had listened to me, I prayed with all my might. I started saying the protective prayer, The Shma. I prayed for my baby Jacob to be fine and for me to not feel any pain. I also prayed that I would go through this as quickly as I could.
Again, my prayers were answered. Jacob was born, healthy and happy and three seconds later, I died.
Everyone tells me it was a miracle I survived as well as I did. But was it? Did something bigger than my own ability to predict the future take place AFTER I was put in a coma? I did my part to ensure everything was in place for my surgery, now everyone who witnessed it continued where I left off. They used their energy the best way they knew how.
I wasn’t out of the woods. Surviving was one thing, but how well I would survive is a different thing. And for many with their reliance on prayer, this experience would help their faith grow even stronger. People I knew and many I did not, stopped what they were doing and prayed. There were prayer circles, Church outreach, Chabad families by Jonathan’s side. My brother and father kept telling G-d to take them and spare me. (Thank G-d that didn’t happen.) No one stopped praying.
I was in ICU on life support and no one knew how much damage was happening as I continue to lay there. What they knew for certain was: the longer I stayed there, the worse the outcome would be.
At one point, my husband called our Rabbi and said, “Our son needs to have a bris (circumcision ceremony), but my wife is in a coma, we need to wait.” The Rabbi said “As long as the baby is healthy, the bris must happen on the 8th day.” Jonathan asked what could he do. And the Rabbi said “You can pray. Pray that she comes through this in time for the bris.”
And everyone continued to pray. Even my doctors and their staff, all of different backgrounds in faith, prayed.
And on the 7th day, they took me down off of the meds and I was able to be present (in body) alive and on the mend, in time for the bris. Coincidence? Again, I don’t think so.
The prayers again, had been answered.
So even though all six of my premonitions came true, and I saw them clearly, I could not see a life beyond me dying. And I wasn’t in a position to help myself in that state. Lucky for me, the many who could and who gifted me with their energy-filled prayer, helped me realize my second life was about to begin.
The power of prayer is real. I’m standing here, living proof of it.
L’chaim & Shabbat Shalom.
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