What happened to me was extremely traumatic and no one had answers for me, as to how I knew so many details of how I would die, months before it occurred. Traditional therapy wasn’t working so a friend recommended regression therapy. A type of therapy where they use hypnotherapy to take you back into those moments of trauma. Maybe this was my answer to be able to finally move forward in my life. Maybe it wasn’t as bad as I remember and maybe if I re-lived them, it would put this crippling fear I had to live, into perspective.
I was not prepared for what I saw. No one was.
I began therapy and videotaped the sessions, as I had never been hypnotized before and wanted to remember the details. I just never expected what would actually be revealed.
At the time I couldn’t tell you why I was receiving the messages I had been receiving before I gave birth, but after my therapy, I absolutely, unequivocally know how I got them. I was able to go back into those terrifying moments and learn that everything might have felt chaotic and scary at the time, and don’t get me wrong, it absolutely was, but now, from this new angle, I could breathe, realizing the worst part was really behind me.
I started to heal.
My husband noticed the change, immediately. My children were getting their mother back. I was no longer petrified of having a spontaneous heart attack or reading any articles about other AFE stories.
Prior to regression, I hadn’t wanted to step foot through the entrance of the hospital and now I wanted to go back to say “Thank You” to those who were there in our desperate time of need.
I was ready to move forward and thought, maybe writing what had happened will not only be good for my memory, but maybe it could be cathartic for others.
I went into great detail about everything I saw and learned because I wanted people to know, they too needed to force themselves to listen and do something when their moment comes. Because eventually, it will come. I forced myself to listen to those premonitions. I forced myself to seek out other therapy. And I forced myself to push through the pain in order to be the mom and wife I wanted to be. And if I could do it, maybe others would be inspired to do the same. Maybe if I could turn my discombobulated sentences into a manuscript, it could help others. I am happy to say that day arrived.
When we launched the book, 37 Seconds, a few months ago, I shied away from talking too much about the “regression” aspect of the book. It was too painful and I didn’t think people would be interested in the therapy part as much as the intuition and the premonitions. And to be perfectly honest, I was still working through the pain in therapy, so talking about it, when I couldn’t even transcribe those therapy sessions for the book (thank you my cousin Sari Padorr), was definitely not going to happen. Writing it in a book and putting it out there in black and white was one thing. Talking and showing it, was another.
But eventually I knew it was going to catch up with me, as I received an astounding number of emails from people who had read the book wanting to know if regression therapy would be right for them. If it could help their own suffering. I realized, I couldn’t shy away from it any longer. Not only was I blessed to have survived, and had more time to heal, but I was fortunate to have videotaped those sessions. I just never thought I would share them with anyone else, other than my immediate family.
My husband cannot watch this for more than a few seconds. I have been told by people who have seen some of the footage, including my doctors, that it is unlike anything they have ever seen. I decided that I needed to breathe through this and allow people to see the rawest part of my life, first-hand.
This is the right time. Not on a talk show, podcast or radio. Just here. Being me. With whoever wants to see it. Whenever they want to see it.
I will warn you, it is not easy to watch. It is real. It is raw and it has forever changed my life and the lives of people around me.
I learned I am much stronger than I gave myself credit before going through this. I am no longer searching for who sent me those messages and where those pieces of the puzzle go. Everything has been carefully put back into place with a new foundation and I clearly see the big picture. I am whole, but in a different way.
It took me dying to understand how it is to live.
Coming out on the “other side” of this trauma, I am learning how to deal with my newfound “gift” in a way I can grasp and explain. After all of the research and determination to make sense of what happened, I am finally accepting it all as evidence of spiritual existence. And others, including many of my doctors agree with that sentiment.
I look forward to learning more about this other dimension of life. Each day opens up new ways on how to communicate, connect and create space to see what I didn’t think was possible. Yes, it took work, but no, you don’t need to die to see that it is possible. It exists and I am alive to show you how to open your eyes. It is there for all of us to see.
My journey is ongoing and so is the work I will do to stay healthy for me and for my family. I am committed to helping others face their traumas, fear, and aid them in their path to healing. It would be a pleasure and a privilege to have you on this ride with me.
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